


Slipping through Her Fingers

by RedSneakers



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Gen, Heavy Angst, mention of Ward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-14
Updated: 2014-12-14
Packaged: 2018-03-01 10:15:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2769329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedSneakers/pseuds/RedSneakers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>May shouldn't have let Skye leave with Ward. She should have done something. She could have done something. A little interpretation of what May thought aftermath s2e9.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Slipping through Her Fingers

**Author's Note:**

> This piece has been bothering my head since I saw the ep and I thought I'd give it a go. Personally, I like May/Skye relationship as mother and daughter, and this little drabble here is based on that kind of relationship. 
> 
> However, just like T.S. Eliot and Ezra Pound, I do believe in Impersonalism, therefore, if you want to look at it as their relationship as lovers, I am all game with it. The idea of the two being lovers are cool, too. 
> 
> I hope you like this one. Grab a brownie or a cookie as you read. Thanks for reading.
> 
> Oh, standard disclaimer: not mine.

_“She’s coming with us_.”

May shook her head and gripped the stick tightly until her knuckles turned white. _Stop it_ , she reprimanded herself for the lack of control she was having now – her brain kept on replaying what had happened earlier that day.

_“May.”_ She could still hear Skye’s voice. “ _May.”_

The senior agent gritted her teeth, forcing herself to focus on the task at hand now: flying the plane.

_“There’s no other way_. _You know that_.”

She closed her eyes now; the more she tried to block the thoughts away, the more they came back and haunted her.

“May.”

The voice was so real now and May couldn’t stop herself from turning around from her seat and spoke loudly to the empty cockpit, “Shut up!” Except… it wasn’t empty anymore. She was face to face with a very concerned-looking Coulson, who lifted his both hand in surrender.

“It’s me,” he said tentatively, “It’s just me.” He pointed at the empty seat next to her. “I’m gonna sit down, okay?”

May nodded without a word and the two sat in silence for a while. She saw from the corner of her eyes how Coulson kept stealing worried glances at her, and judging from the way he played with his fingers May knew that he was contemplating whether he should break the silence or not.

It was her who spoke first. “I should’ve never let her leave,” she said, her voice even.

“You did what you had to do,” he said diplomatically, catching the subtle hint of regret laced in the woman’s voice.

“I didn’t want to let her go.” May wasn’t listening. “I was there. I could’ve shot him and…”

“Killed the rest of the team,” Coulson finished the sentence for her. “You did the right thing, May.”

“Don’t tell me what I did was right or wrong!” May hissed through gritted teeth. She pressed the autopilot button all too forcefully before turning to fully face Coulson; she opened her mouth to say something but then decided against it. She stood up and glared at the director, challenging him to follow her before leaving.

* * *

 

May was grateful that Coulson didn’t follow her – he knew her well enough to know that nothing good would come out from pushing May too hard. She was about to return to her bunk but the senior agent changed her mind and headed straight to the makeshift training room she usually used with Skye.

Not bothering with warm-up, May went directly to the punching bag. Doing tai-chi wouldn’t be satisfying enough for her; it would force her to think – to _feel_. Feeling was the last thing May wanted now.

She felt a rush of adrenaline as she began to punch. May poured her focus on each movement, each muscle, and each thumping sound as her fists connected with the bag. However, the focus didn’t last for long. Soon her movements became less coordinated and more rushed, more desperate. The voices in her head wouldn’t stop.

She should have never let that pathetic excuse of a man take Skye – _no_ , she shouldn’t have let _Skye_ agree to go with him. There should have been another way. She should have been able to think of some other way out.

May acknowledged that Skye and Coulson were both right – Ward would have blown the bus to pieces and killed everybody in it if Skye hadn’t gone with him – but that didn’t mean she was at peace with that.

The look Skye had given her before the younger woman left haunted May day and night; the SO saw it even when she was awake – when her eyes were wide open. Skye wanted May to trust her; she wanted May to see that she was doing the right thing, that she was being brave like what May had taught her. But out of everything, May knew that it was a look someone gave you when they were saying goodbye.

May missed a beat and the punching bag swung full force at her face, sending her to sprawl on her back on the mattress. The senior agent pressed the heels of her hands on her eyelids to stop hot tears from falling.

It wasn’t goodbye. It couldn’t be goodbye. God, no.

_“Whatever happens, I can handle myself.”_

She’d known that the time would come when Skye would no longer need her protection – it was the reason why she’d trained Skye in the first place – but this wasn’t how she’d imagined it would be. There were so many things she hadn’t taught the younger woman; Skye still needed to learn a lot. And there were so many things she hadn’t told Skye, like how proud she was of Skye’s progress, or how much she’d grown to like her, or even how important Skye was to her.

May hadn’t expected that the moment would come this soon. She hadn’t expected Skye to be the brave one and let go of her hands, letting the ‘training wheels’ go. Above all, she hadn’t expected that it would hurt _this_ much.


End file.
